How do we find gratitude for people who hurt us?

We are officially in the month of gratitude. I countdown the days of Halloween to enter into this feel-good month. 

I’m so grateful for so many amazing friends, friends that feel like family and family members that are actually my friends. 

And I’m grateful for those who are no longer my friends. 

What? Did I just say that? 

Yes, yes I did. 

We all have relationships that are strained or have ended this year and the holidays create a natural ocean for these relationships to come to the surface to remind us where we stand. We bask in the warmth of some relationships while the state of other relationships create a pit in our stomach.

But does it have to be this way? 

What would happen if we could give gratitude for all the relationships that come to the surface this holiday? The healthy ones and the strained ones.

Of course, this gratitude practice may seem simple for those relationships in good standing, but what about the strained relationships or the severed relationships? Can you give gratitude for those too? 

What if in clearing this friendship, or the strained parts of it that no longer resonate with your heart, you open the gateway to a new person that feels even more satisfying, more connected and a better match to where you are in life? Or welcome in a new version of the strained relationship? 

We’ve all had relationships and friendships shift, change and end. Instead of holding onto that attachment or feeling of loss, we can use the joy, fun and love we experienced within that friendship and give gratitude for their existence in our life.
We manifest using gratitude and feeling. 

Use this month’s power of gratitude to be thankful for learning how it feels to have had that closeness. Then, hold onto that feeling you desire again-closeness, feeling understood, laughter, joy- and use that feeling. Without an attachment to who might fill that role, allow that gratitude and feeling to bring in that new friendship, relationship or partner. Or allow that feeling to magnetize a new version of the current relationship that’s struggling-a new version of the relationship that serves you both. 
And do it all with zero expectation on how it will look when it arrives. When we let go of our expectation of who, when and how, we are amazed beyond belief at the blessings that come in.

We all shift and change and meetup with people when they are an energetic match to us. When we each grow and evolve, our energy vibration and frequency shifts and we’re no longer a match anymore. Rather than grieving that experience, we can use it as a launching pad of gratitude that will catapult us into the next better-fitting relationship. 

It looks like this... 

“Thank you for showing me how it feels to have such a good friend. Thank you for showing me what real friendship feels like. Thank you for showing me how I don't want to be treated. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for the laughter and the joy. Thank you for matching me for as long as you did. Thank you for showing me what I don’t want. Thank you for teaching me boundaries.  Thank you for showing me what is possible.” 

So many angles. So much gratitude available. This is just a short example of the many ways we can be grateful for everything that happens in a relationship with someone- the good and the bad. 

Allow this practice to help you through the holidays. Not getting along with a family member? No problem.

Find what you can be grateful for and allow that to lead. It will let go of the expectation that you’re supposed to be close or that things have to be perfect. It’s ok. Give gratitude for what is and let go of the idea that you don’t need to be close. Then watch what happens to that relationship. Miracles and blessings are abound. The miracle could be that things improve and the miracle could also be that you both feel at peace not being as close anymore. You are both left with gratitude, peace and appreciation for what used to be without expectation of what is or what it needs to be.
Here’s a fascinating visual of how this works using color. Every color holds a different energy vibration (the basis of Aura-Soma) and so do each of us.  We talked about how our favorite colors can change the world last week. This week, we are using color to show how our vibration works. 

Galton Board video-sorting by color and vibration

It’s as simple as this video, really. 

You just don’t match up anymore. It’s not personal to either one of you. Your vibration doesn’t group you together anymore.
This doesn’t mean that if you’re vibin’ at red, you can’t hang out with green at all. It means that if you used to both be vibin’ at red and now one of you is vibin’ at yellow, it may not feel as connected. You don’t have to lose the relationship, but it would be wise to lose the expectation that you’re going to feel the same connection as when you were vibin' together. There are many benefits to being close to different vibrating people. For this though, we’re talking about the holidays, the expectations, the pit in our stomachs.

It’s OK to vibe differently. 
For friends, families and the holidays...take the personal out of the equation. Add in gratitude and watch your expectations and experiences this holiday season shift for good.

Don’t make it personal because it never was.

It’s just a vibrational shift. This is about using that shift and gratitude to magnetize even better relationships into your life- new and improved. 
Give gratitude for your differences and welcome in the newest and best vibe for you! 

I can’t wait to hear how your gratitude helps you this holiday season. 

Much love,

Erin Garay