Emotional Self-Regulation
There is probably no greater superpower to harness than that of emotional self-regulation. This strength, when possessed and used properly, ushers in empowerment, confidence, and self-appreciation.
Emotional self-regulation is the ability to witness your emotions, thoughts, and behavior. Once recognized, you can become mindful of this unattached state and master techniques to help you respond differently to life. The emotional intel you gathered from this unattached state offers immense healing and guidance.
But how do you get there?
Emotional self-regulation is born in the present moment that exists somewhere between thought, feeling and action.
We can regulate our emotions by understanding:
How to remain “in the gap”
Cognitive reappraisal
The unforeseeable solution
Rupture and repair of the soul
How to cultivate your witness
How to remain “in the gap”
Self-regulation is found in the gap.
Eckhart Tolle popularized this terminology. Here is his explanation of the gap:
"In the first moment of seeing something or hearing a sound -- and more so if it is unfamiliar -- before the mind names or interprets what you see or hear, there is usually a gap of alert attention in which the perception occurs. That is the inner space. Its duration differs from person to person. It is easy to miss because in many people those spaces are extremely short, perhaps only a second or less….A very unusual sight or sound may leave you "speechless" -- even inside, that is to say, bring about a longer gap."
You can read the full article here: Excerpt from blog written on Awakin.org
Or you can become more mindful and begin to tap into a longer and more present gap. This inner space offers you the incredible opportunity to respond to a situation rather than react to a situation.
Learning how to expand our gap. The gap is the brief pause before we make a decision and take action. It is the space between thought and action. As we lengthen the duration of time from thought to action, this presence offers us the opportunity to discern why we feel a certain way and respond from this wise place rather than react to a situation impulsively.
Several years ago, I walked into a group of people already in conversation and one woman said something that really triggered me. I felt hurt and upset but I basked in the gap instead of responding. While in that brief pause, I realized I was feeling triggered because I was feeling insecure about having not completed a task yet and recognized that the comment wasn’t targeted at me. The gap time helped me realize that my insecurity caused me to believe that this comment was directed at me initially. And maybe her comment was directed at me but my response is my responsibility. In this split-second assessment, I was able to take ownership of my thoughts, soothe my own feelings and respond to the conversation from a placated and powerful position instead of reacting to the conversation. Targeted at me or not, I handled that situation with power, strength and control.
This situation was more than a decade ago and I still feel so proud. It was the first time I had consciously remained in the gap and witnessed my feelings before responding.
It was a pivotal moment for me.
We've all done it. Responded flippantly and regretted it later.
I'm telling you...the gap saves us from regret! It is a powerful place to live and I will show you how to reach this place in our meditation today, Cultivating your Witness.
Cognitive Reappraisal
Cognitive reappraisal also termed cognitive reframing, is an opportunity to perceive a situation differently so that you can establish a different response to it.
When life gets tough, rather than wallow in frustration, anger or pity, we can pause and reframe the situation and trust that life is happening for us, not to us. Just as I wrote about in my blog post, Translating your challenges into blessings, when we seek to find the lesson that life is teaching us, our energetic frequency is elevated and we attract a more high-vibrating situation and solution into our lives.
The unforeseeable solution
Solutions are never black or white, one or the other.
Often the suicidal tendency is derived from this type of thinking, believing there is only one of two choices.
The beauty though is that the Divine has a myriad of solutions waiting to entertain you as it solves your problems. There is never only one answer, one course of action.
Allow the Universe to surprise you and have faith that the answer is coming. Seek to be surprised at how creative the Divine can be with its solution.
Rupture and repair
Rupture and repair is a widely used therapy concept that teaches that relationships are strengthened when they can encounter rupture and repair.
Both are necessary.
Rupture teaches authenticity and repair teaches that the relationship can heal and that both people can be depended on to heal the relationship.
Have you ever experienced rupture and repair within your soul?
When our soul encounters an emotional upheaval within the world and finds a way to repair itself, in the end, resilience is earned. Repeated rupture and repair transform resilience into faith.
Cultivate your witness
Ram Dass championed this process as a way to become less attached to our own life.
“One way to get free of attachment is to cultivate the witness consciousness, to become a neutral observer of your own life. The witness place inside you is simple awareness, the part of you that is aware of everything — just noticing, watching, not judging, just being present, being here now.
The witness is actually another level of consciousness. The witness coexists alongside your normal consciousness as another layer of awareness, as the part of you that is awakening.”
Excerpt from Ram Dass’ newly released book Polishing the Mirror: How to Live From Your Spiritual Heart
Implementing each of these five strategies into your life will help you to better regulate your emotions and learn to respond rather than react to them.
Want to learn how to regulate your emotions even more? Join me for this week’s podcast, Mastering emotional self-regulation where I dive even deeper into this subject.
Want to learn how to cultivate your witness? Join me for this week’s meditation, Cultivating your witness, for a powerful meditation connecting to your inner Witness.
Which of these techniques will you add to your toolbox this week? I would love to hear from you on Facebook and Instagram.
Much love,
Erin