Did You Get Older This Week Too?
This week, I was running a meeting that my daughter was attending and let’s just say... she did not have the most polite meeting manners.
There was probably a ton of reasons why- she was hungry, tired, exhausted from her 1st full day of school but she was still super chatty during our meeting when she shouldn’t have been so chatty.
I was so upset, I was beyond mad. I was hurt and disappointed.
I knew she had better manners than what she displayed. On the way home, I reminded her of the many things I had done for her over the summer and felt like I had placed many deposits in our relationship bank account and that I was hurt she couldn’t have done this one thing for me.
Imaging this in true Mom voice makes this story even better. 😂
Except there wasn’t really a tough sounding voice coming out of me.
Instead of getting mad, I actually just got really quiet. I shared with her the feelings I had underneath my mad. Whenever we get angry, we’re actually just really hurt. But...
Anger causes disconnection.
Sharing the emotions that are hiding a layer below your anger (or sometimes many layers below) creates connection between people.
Too often, we get caught in the fury of anger instead of pausing to look deeper to see what is really upsetting us and sharing that instead.
She and I had enjoyed a wonderfully connected summer together. I didn’t want to lose this over an anger outburst. It simply wasn’t worth it.
After we got home and went to our separate corners of the house, she came and found me and said sorry and then said something so interesting.
She said, “Mom, I’m older than I was then. It won’t happen again ”
This caught my attention in a big way.
We age in a moment.
We learn in a split second. ( or sometimes it takes a long time, and many seconds, for us to learn a lesson..but that’s a different blog.)
One experience can change us for a lifetime...for the better. And it’s always for the better even if it feels like it’s for the worse in the beginning.
The next time someone upsets you, remind yourself to take a breath and dive beneath the layer of anger. Explore what’s there and share from that layer and watch the connection that happens as a result.
You will find yourself in a more peaceful, authentic place within your own heart and all the relationships surrounding you in your life will feel more authentic, connected and real as well.
I can’t wait to hear how this worked for you the next time you get upset. Please share your connection experiences here on our Facebook page.